添削 (地元について変えたいこと、ワンズワード) [Essay]
かなり添削が入りました。内容自体はあまり変わっていないのですが、分かりやすい書き方に変えてもらいました。
(Title)
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
(My Essay after proofread)
One important thing that I would change about my hometown is the accessibility of commercial and prefectural facilities. I propose to relocate major facilities to a place close to or in front of the major train station.
In my hometown, the prefectural government office is four kilometers away from the major train station. Therefore, we have to ride a bus or drive a car to go there. Most of the time roads are crowded and parking lots are limited. The city library is located close to this government office. Due to the same problem of limited parking space and bad location, only a few people visit the library even though it has beautiful architecture and good selection of books.
The city government is not close to the major train station, either. We have to ride a bus or drive a car to go there. Since it is located in a crowded residential area, parking spaces are very limited. Riding a bus would be a better option.. If one wanted to visit both the prefectural government office and city government office, one would have to go to opposite ends of the train station. It would be a lot easier for everyone if both government offices were located near each other.
The most disappointing fact in my hometown is that shopping districts are far from the major train station. One will see many empty buildings beside the train station. They were built by clothing companies just after the World War II. Now these buildings are empty because the business has been outsourced to China. The city government is trying to revive this former commercial district, but it has not been successful because some landowners do not want to sell their land.
My hometown is less flourishing than in the past. I think the fact that these facilities are scattered is one of the causes of economic decline in my hometown. Concentration of many government and commercial facilities in front of the major train station will drastically improve the economy and livability of my hometown. Now that the city government has completed the modernization of the train station, I expect that the improvement of surrounding areas of my hometown will follow.
(Point)
・市役所・県庁・メイン駅など、その市の中に一つしかないものは、最初からa/anではなくtheを付ける。
・「図書館に少ししか人が来ない」の「少し」にa fewを使うことに戸惑ったが、100人来たとしても「少ない」と思うならa fewで良い。
・場所についての説明をする場合は、読み手がvisualizeできるようにする。ただし、要点のみを書くこと。
==============================================================
私の作文は、どうでもいいので、折りたたみます。
(Title)
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
(My Essay after proofread)
One important thing that I would change about my hometown is the accessibility of commercial and prefectural facilities. I propose to relocate major facilities to a place close to or in front of the major train station.
In my hometown, the prefectural government office is four kilometers away from the major train station. Therefore, we have to ride a bus or drive a car to go there. Most of the time roads are crowded and parking lots are limited. The city library is located close to this government office. Due to the same problem of limited parking space and bad location, only a few people visit the library even though it has beautiful architecture and good selection of books.
The city government is not close to the major train station, either. We have to ride a bus or drive a car to go there. Since it is located in a crowded residential area, parking spaces are very limited. Riding a bus would be a better option.. If one wanted to visit both the prefectural government office and city government office, one would have to go to opposite ends of the train station. It would be a lot easier for everyone if both government offices were located near each other.
The most disappointing fact in my hometown is that shopping districts are far from the major train station. One will see many empty buildings beside the train station. They were built by clothing companies just after the World War II. Now these buildings are empty because the business has been outsourced to China. The city government is trying to revive this former commercial district, but it has not been successful because some landowners do not want to sell their land.
My hometown is less flourishing than in the past. I think the fact that these facilities are scattered is one of the causes of economic decline in my hometown. Concentration of many government and commercial facilities in front of the major train station will drastically improve the economy and livability of my hometown. Now that the city government has completed the modernization of the train station, I expect that the improvement of surrounding areas of my hometown will follow.
(Point)
・市役所・県庁・メイン駅など、その市の中に一つしかないものは、最初からa/anではなくtheを付ける。
・「図書館に少ししか人が来ない」の「少し」にa fewを使うことに戸惑ったが、100人来たとしても「少ない」と思うならa fewで良い。
・場所についての説明をする場合は、読み手がvisualizeできるようにする。ただし、要点のみを書くこと。
==============================================================
私の作文は、どうでもいいので、折りたたみます。
添削 (明治維新、ワンズワード&iTalk) [Essay]
ワンズワードで、日本の重要な歴史について説明するという宿題が出ました。
明治維新について書いたのですが、英作文なので、史実と異なっているかもしれません。ご了承ください。
ワンズワードでは喋ったところで終わってしまったので、iTalkで原稿の添削をしてもらいました。
訂正された箇所は横線で消し、追加された箇所は下線を付けてあります。
(Title)
Meiji Restoration and Modernization(1)
(My Essay)
Japan’s modernization started in 1853 when ships from the United States landed Japan.
During Edo era that started in 1603 and ended in 1868, the form of government was a hereditary military government called Shogunate led by Shogun. At that time, (2) Japan closed itself to foreign countries, except trading only in one port with China and the Netherlands. China is understandable because China had had close relationships with Japan since ancient era. Why the Netherlands? Because they promised not to do missionary work in Japan. The Shogunate took this policy to avoid Christianity from spreading all over Japan. Christianity was thought to destroy Shogun’s domination because it preaches peace and equality.
In 1853, in the middle of Imperialism in the world, suddenly ships from the United States came to Japan. They told Japan to open itself. In 1856, “Treaty of Amity and Commerce (United States–Japan)” was closed between Japanese Shogunate and US government. In this treaty, Japan was forced to allow consular jurisdiction right and to waived tariff autonomy. Japan closed similar treaties with other European nations. Five Japanese ports were opened to these nations.
Because these treaties were unfavorable and unequal to Japan, some of the “hans” tried to start war to one of these countries. Han is a unit of local government where Daimyo dominated. Daimyo was the top of Samurais in a region. Satsuma han and Tyoushuu han (Kagoshima and Yamaguchi prefectures at present(3) ) had a fight against the UK. As a result, Satuma and Tyoushuu lost. These two hans began to buy weapons from the UK to build modern military systems.
Around that time, Edo Shogunate had less power because of the closure to foreign countries, in addition to its 250 years of long domination. As many facts show, hereditary military(4) government systems cannot be retained for long.
Many hans started to destroy Edo Shogunate and to build a new country with a leadership of the Emperor.
In 1867,the restoration of the Imperial Rule occurred the Emperor who had dominated the country before the Edo era restored his power again(5). The last Shogun of Edo period gave away his power to the Emperor. The Emperor entered the Edo castle where the last Shogun lived for 250 years, and a new era started.
The new government abolished the system of han, and started a prefecture system. It abolished the social ranking system, and all the Samurai people needed to find the other jobs. The government and people started to rebuild the country to avoid being colonized, based on the slogan ofincreasing national prosperity and military power richer and stronger country(6).
(Point)
(1) 「明治維新」を辞書で調べたままに書いてしまった。restorationだけでは、何のrestorationなのか連想しにくく不明瞭なので、「近代化」を入れると、記事の内容を連想しやすい。
(2) ShogunateやShogunがいきなり出てくると読者には分からないので、説明を入れること。
(3) 現在は鹿児島県・山口県だと分かりやすいようにする。
(4) "hereditary government"だと、monarchyだと思われた。monarchyではないので、誤解を避けるためにmilitaryを入れる。
(5) 「大政奉還」を辞書で調べたままに書いてしまった。説明不足。皇室が江戸時代前には統治していたことを追記すると、読み手に分かりやすくなる。
(6) 「富国強兵」を辞書で調べたままに書いてしまった。こちらは通じると思ったのですが、わかりづらかったようです。
明治維新について書いたのですが、英作文なので、史実と異なっているかもしれません。ご了承ください。
ワンズワードでは喋ったところで終わってしまったので、iTalkで原稿の添削をしてもらいました。
訂正された箇所は横線で消し、追加された箇所は下線を付けてあります。
(Title)
Meiji Restoration and Modernization(1)
(My Essay)
Japan’s modernization started in 1853 when ships from the United States landed Japan.
During Edo era that started in 1603 and ended in 1868, the form of government was a hereditary military government called Shogunate led by Shogun. At that time, (2) Japan closed itself to foreign countries, except trading only in one port with China and the Netherlands. China is understandable because China had had close relationships with Japan since ancient era. Why the Netherlands? Because they promised not to do missionary work in Japan. The Shogunate took this policy to avoid Christianity from spreading all over Japan. Christianity was thought to destroy Shogun’s domination because it preaches peace and equality.
In 1853, in the middle of Imperialism in the world, suddenly ships from the United States came to Japan. They told Japan to open itself. In 1856, “Treaty of Amity and Commerce (United States–Japan)” was closed between Japanese Shogunate and US government. In this treaty, Japan was forced to allow consular jurisdiction right and to waived tariff autonomy. Japan closed similar treaties with other European nations. Five Japanese ports were opened to these nations.
Because these treaties were unfavorable and unequal to Japan, some of the “hans” tried to start war to one of these countries. Han is a unit of local government where Daimyo dominated. Daimyo was the top of Samurais in a region. Satsuma han and Tyoushuu han (Kagoshima and Yamaguchi prefectures at present(3) ) had a fight against the UK. As a result, Satuma and Tyoushuu lost. These two hans began to buy weapons from the UK to build modern military systems.
Around that time, Edo Shogunate had less power because of the closure to foreign countries, in addition to its 250 years of long domination. As many facts show, hereditary military(4) government systems cannot be retained for long.
Many hans started to destroy Edo Shogunate and to build a new country with a leadership of the Emperor.
In 1867,
The new government abolished the system of han, and started a prefecture system. It abolished the social ranking system, and all the Samurai people needed to find the other jobs. The government and people started to rebuild the country to avoid being colonized, based on the slogan of
(Point)
(1) 「明治維新」を辞書で調べたままに書いてしまった。restorationだけでは、何のrestorationなのか連想しにくく不明瞭なので、「近代化」を入れると、記事の内容を連想しやすい。
(2) ShogunateやShogunがいきなり出てくると読者には分からないので、説明を入れること。
(3) 現在は鹿児島県・山口県だと分かりやすいようにする。
(4) "hereditary government"だと、monarchyだと思われた。monarchyではないので、誤解を避けるためにmilitaryを入れる。
(5) 「大政奉還」を辞書で調べたままに書いてしまった。説明不足。皇室が江戸時代前には統治していたことを追記すると、読み手に分かりやすくなる。
(6) 「富国強兵」を辞書で調べたままに書いてしまった。こちらは通じると思ったのですが、わかりづらかったようです。
添削 (良い上司の条件、iTalk) [Essay]
http://www.ets.org/Media/Tests/TOEFL/pdf/989563wt.pdf
から題材を見つくろってエッセイを書き、校正してもらっています。
iTalkのAnne先生に添削してもらいました。25分レッスンということもあり、あまり細部までは突っ込みはないのですが、的確なアドバイスをいただいています。
(Topic)
What are some important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)? Use specific details and examples to explain why these qualities are important.
(My Essay)
I have worked under excellent managers and average managers. Some of them managed their teams very well while others did not so much.
Firstly, a good supervisor makes decisions not only based on company executives’ policies, but also on the needs of their team. For example, in a department that I belong to, some important employees were retrenched because of a bad economy, based on instructions given by company executives. The other employees needed to do tasks that the retrenched employees had done. As a result, the team had more complaints from our customers than before.
Secondly, a good boss makes sure that employees obey relevant laws and regulations. If employees, especially higher-rank ones, are not in compliance with laws or rules, it may lead to bankruptcy of the company. In Japan, nowadays, some companies have been investigated into by the police because of alleged embezzlement or window-dressing accounting.
Thirdly, they make sure that every employee is assigned with equal amount of tasks that match their abilities and skills. I have experienced cases where only some employees have heavy loads of work. In such cases, some cannot concentrate on their work because of busyness while others feel unnecessary and lose their morale.
Lastly, to be a respected supervisor, they should be good at preparing comfortable working environment to their employees. To let employees have high morale, they need to prepare good atmosphere, including air cleanness and comfortable temperatures, and good human relationships. Especially open communication among employees is one of the most important keys to good human relationships. If they loosely manage the team's working environment, although progress of work is managed very well, some employees tend to complain about the office environment, and it usually escalates to gossiping or putting down other employees.
(ポイント)
・下線部を修正されました。これらの下線部を全部"good"にしていたのですが、"good"ばかりが続いたので、「どのようにgoodなのか」を具体的な形容詞に変えると良い。
から題材を見つくろってエッセイを書き、校正してもらっています。
iTalkのAnne先生に添削してもらいました。25分レッスンということもあり、あまり細部までは突っ込みはないのですが、的確なアドバイスをいただいています。
(Topic)
What are some important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)? Use specific details and examples to explain why these qualities are important.
(My Essay)
I have worked under excellent managers and average managers. Some of them managed their teams very well while others did not so much.
Firstly, a good supervisor makes decisions not only based on company executives’ policies, but also on the needs of their team. For example, in a department that I belong to, some important employees were retrenched because of a bad economy, based on instructions given by company executives. The other employees needed to do tasks that the retrenched employees had done. As a result, the team had more complaints from our customers than before.
Secondly, a good boss makes sure that employees obey relevant laws and regulations. If employees, especially higher-rank ones, are not in compliance with laws or rules, it may lead to bankruptcy of the company. In Japan, nowadays, some companies have been investigated into by the police because of alleged embezzlement or window-dressing accounting.
Thirdly, they make sure that every employee is assigned with equal amount of tasks that match their abilities and skills. I have experienced cases where only some employees have heavy loads of work. In such cases, some cannot concentrate on their work because of busyness while others feel unnecessary and lose their morale.
Lastly, to be a respected supervisor, they should be good at preparing comfortable working environment to their employees. To let employees have high morale, they need to prepare good atmosphere, including air cleanness and comfortable temperatures, and good human relationships. Especially open communication among employees is one of the most important keys to good human relationships. If they loosely manage the team's working environment, although progress of work is managed very well, some employees tend to complain about the office environment, and it usually escalates to gossiping or putting down other employees.
(ポイント)
・下線部を修正されました。これらの下線部を全部"good"にしていたのですが、"good"ばかりが続いたので、「どのようにgoodなのか」を具体的な形容詞に変えると良い。
添削 (子供は田舎で育つか都会で育つか、ワンズワード) [Essay]
http://www.ets.org/Media/Tests/TOEFL/pdf/989563wt.pdf
から題材を見つくろって校正してもらっています。
ブログ記事のタイトルは変な日本語ですが、「子育ては田舎で？都会で？」と書くと親の目線になってしまうので、上記の題にしました。
ワンズワードのAngeli先生は、表現はもちろんですが、エッセイとしての段落構成にかなり焦点を当てた添削をしてくれます。今日も音声は悪かったですが、以前よりは良くなっていました。
(Topic)
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.
(My Essay (after proofread))
I think it is better for children to grow up in the countryside. I have lived in both the countryside and a big city. I grew up in the capital city of a minor prefecture, which was developed compared to other places but was not great in size and population . After I graduated from a university, I lived in a remote area. Now I live in the second biggest city in Japan.
The biggest reason why children should grow up in the countryside is that the environment in big cities is usually not ideal for children's physical and mental health. Big cities have environmental problems such as noise and air pollution. As a result of being exposed to air pollution and chemicals, children in big cities are likely to suffer from asthma or allergies than children residing in the countryside.
The second reason is that children in big cities tend to stay alone, compared to children in the countryside. Since prices of basic necessities are higher in big cities, parents need to work more hours to provide for their children. As a result, in Japan, 30% of all children in big cities eat dinner by themselves. Children also receive less attention and care from their parents. This may lead to lack of communication between parents and children.
The third reason is that children in big cities are exposed to more information, both good and bad. Even if the information seems to be positive, children may sometimes be negatively affected. For example, big cities have many preparatory schools, where children are given tips on how to ace examinations. As a result, they tend not to develop critical thinking skills. In the countryside, children learn to study and discover thing on their own.
However, children cannot choose where to live. Regardless of where they reside, it is recommended that one gives a child the opportunity to experience living in both environments. If a child lives in a big city, he/she needs to live in the countryside for a week or two, and vice versa, in case they need to live there in the future.
(ポイント)
・最初の文で賛成か反対かを明示しているし、各パラグラフでメインアイディアをサポートする内容が書かれていて、全体として首尾一貫したエッセイになっている。（以前書いたエッセイでは論点がごちゃごちゃしているというコメントをもらったので、この点は今回はOKだったとのことで、一安心しました）
・他人に伝わりにくい事象を書く場合は、概念=>例、という順序で書くこと。
今回は気を付けて書いてあると言ってくれました。ただし、最後の段落が短くて説明が足りず、Regardless of where they reside, it is recommended that one gives a child the opportunity to experience living in both environments.を追記してくれました。
・文をコンマでつなげる時はかなり注意をすること。
This may lead to lack of communication between parents and children, and children are taken less care of by their parents.と書いたのですが、前半と後半のつながりが悪いので、Children also receive less attention and care from their parents. This may lead to lack of communication between parents and children.という2文に修正してくれました。
・「情報は、良い情報に見えても、悪影響な場合がある」の「良」「悪」をgood/badlyと書いたら、positive/negativelyに修正してくれました。
・「大都市にはたくさん塾があって、試験に受かる方法を教えてくれる」をThere are many preparatory schools in big cities, where children are taught how to go through examinations tactfully.と書いたのですが、これだと、whereがbig citiesを修飾しているように見えるので、Big cities have many preparatory schools, where children are given tips on how to ace examinations.と修正してくれました。これなら、whereがpreparatory schoolsを修飾していることが一目瞭然です。ちなみにaceは、「(試験など)で高得点を取る」という意味だそうです。
・「県庁所在地」は、a capital city of a prefectureではなく、the capital city of a prefectureにする。その県のcapital cityは一つしかないから。
ちなみに私が書いた元原稿は、まあどうでもいいので、ページを折ります。
から題材を見つくろって校正してもらっています。
ブログ記事のタイトルは変な日本語ですが、「子育ては田舎で？都会で？」と書くと親の目線になってしまうので、上記の題にしました。
ワンズワードのAngeli先生は、表現はもちろんですが、エッセイとしての段落構成にかなり焦点を当てた添削をしてくれます。今日も音声は悪かったですが、以前よりは良くなっていました。
(Topic)
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.
(My Essay (after proofread))
I think it is better for children to grow up in the countryside. I have lived in both the countryside and a big city. I grew up in the capital city of a minor prefecture, which was developed compared to other places but was not great in size and population . After I graduated from a university, I lived in a remote area. Now I live in the second biggest city in Japan.
The biggest reason why children should grow up in the countryside is that the environment in big cities is usually not ideal for children's physical and mental health. Big cities have environmental problems such as noise and air pollution. As a result of being exposed to air pollution and chemicals, children in big cities are likely to suffer from asthma or allergies than children residing in the countryside.
The second reason is that children in big cities tend to stay alone, compared to children in the countryside. Since prices of basic necessities are higher in big cities, parents need to work more hours to provide for their children. As a result, in Japan, 30% of all children in big cities eat dinner by themselves. Children also receive less attention and care from their parents. This may lead to lack of communication between parents and children.
The third reason is that children in big cities are exposed to more information, both good and bad. Even if the information seems to be positive, children may sometimes be negatively affected. For example, big cities have many preparatory schools, where children are given tips on how to ace examinations. As a result, they tend not to develop critical thinking skills. In the countryside, children learn to study and discover thing on their own.
However, children cannot choose where to live. Regardless of where they reside, it is recommended that one gives a child the opportunity to experience living in both environments. If a child lives in a big city, he/she needs to live in the countryside for a week or two, and vice versa, in case they need to live there in the future.
(ポイント)
・最初の文で賛成か反対かを明示しているし、各パラグラフでメインアイディアをサポートする内容が書かれていて、全体として首尾一貫したエッセイになっている。（以前書いたエッセイでは論点がごちゃごちゃしているというコメントをもらったので、この点は今回はOKだったとのことで、一安心しました）
・他人に伝わりにくい事象を書く場合は、概念=>例、という順序で書くこと。
今回は気を付けて書いてあると言ってくれました。ただし、最後の段落が短くて説明が足りず、Regardless of where they reside, it is recommended that one gives a child the opportunity to experience living in both environments.を追記してくれました。
・文をコンマでつなげる時はかなり注意をすること。
This may lead to lack of communication between parents and children, and children are taken less care of by their parents.と書いたのですが、前半と後半のつながりが悪いので、Children also receive less attention and care from their parents. This may lead to lack of communication between parents and children.という2文に修正してくれました。
・「情報は、良い情報に見えても、悪影響な場合がある」の「良」「悪」をgood/badlyと書いたら、positive/negativelyに修正してくれました。
・「大都市にはたくさん塾があって、試験に受かる方法を教えてくれる」をThere are many preparatory schools in big cities, where children are taught how to go through examinations tactfully.と書いたのですが、これだと、whereがbig citiesを修飾しているように見えるので、Big cities have many preparatory schools, where children are given tips on how to ace examinations.と修正してくれました。これなら、whereがpreparatory schoolsを修飾していることが一目瞭然です。ちなみにaceは、「(試験など)で高得点を取る」という意味だそうです。
・「県庁所在地」は、a capital city of a prefectureではなく、the capital city of a prefectureにする。その県のcapital cityは一つしかないから。
ちなみに私が書いた元原稿は、まあどうでもいいので、ページを折ります。
添削 (長生きの理由について、iTalk) [Essay]
iTalkでは、フリートークやテキストを使うこともあるのですが、
最近は
http://www.ets.org/Media/Tests/TOEFL/pdf/989563wt.pdf
から題材を選んで作文を書き、添削をしてもらっています。TOEFLは受ける予定はないのですが、たまたまこのウェブページが見つかったので、使っています。
レッスン前に25分で300字ぐらいで書き、1レッスンに1つ、修正してもらっています。25分間で1つなので、あまり細かいところは修正されず、通じないところとかを中心に修正してもらう、ということになっています。
会話するよりも、細かい単語のコロケーションとかを教えてもらえるので、予習は大変ですが、得るものがあると思いました。
(Topic)
In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
(My Essay)
People are living longer because of various causes.
Firstly, medical technologies have been developing. For example, until approximately 70 years ago, the first cause of people’s death was germs. Tuberculosis and smallpox deprived many people’s lives at young age such as in their 20’s or 30’s. However, medicines that cure patients infected with germs were developed. As a result, almost no one dies because of germs in developed countries, except old people with weak immune system. In addition, operation and medical technologies have been developing. Doctors can get rid of cancer cells. more efficiently. Some patients can cure heart diseases by taking medicines while others can excrete their wastes by artificial dialysis.
Secondly, food production has been improving. In the past, many people died because of hunger and malnutrition at young age. However, agriculture was developed and more foods can be produced with less labor. Livestock industries have developed. Ordinary people can eat beef, pork, and chicken that contain great nutrition. As a result, more people can afford to eat nutritious food.
Thirdly, safety technologies have been developing. For example, until 50 years ago, more people died because of airplane, train, and car accidents. Manufacturers developed how they can reduce the number of accidents. They implement multiple safety measures. For example, they designed airplanes so that tires can appear in one of the three methods. As a result, less and less people suffer from accidents.
However, we have more challenges to achieve longer lives. As globalization develops, we meet several new viruses to which we have not found any countermeasure. We have problems of overnutrition that causes diseases such as heart attack and brain stroke. As we travel a lot more, we have more possibilities of meeting accidents.
(ポイント)
・「がん細胞を切除する」をcut cancer cellsと書いたのですが、get rid of cancer cellsの方が自然だそうです。
・「二重三重の安全策を講じる」をimplement double or triple measurementsと書いたのですが、double or tripleというほど正確な数でなくても趣旨は同じなので、multipleの方が良いそうです。
また、measurementsは「測定」の意味になってしまうので、measuresに修正されました。
最近は
http://www.ets.org/Media/Tests/TOEFL/pdf/989563wt.pdf
から題材を選んで作文を書き、添削をしてもらっています。TOEFLは受ける予定はないのですが、たまたまこのウェブページが見つかったので、使っています。
レッスン前に25分で300字ぐらいで書き、1レッスンに1つ、修正してもらっています。25分間で1つなので、あまり細かいところは修正されず、通じないところとかを中心に修正してもらう、ということになっています。
会話するよりも、細かい単語のコロケーションとかを教えてもらえるので、予習は大変ですが、得るものがあると思いました。
(Topic)
In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
(My Essay)
People are living longer because of various causes.
Firstly, medical technologies have been developing. For example, until approximately 70 years ago, the first cause of people’s death was germs. Tuberculosis and smallpox deprived many people’s lives at young age such as in their 20’s or 30’s. However, medicines that cure patients infected with germs were developed. As a result, almost no one dies because of germs in developed countries, except old people with weak immune system. In addition, operation and medical technologies have been developing. Doctors can get rid of cancer cells. more efficiently. Some patients can cure heart diseases by taking medicines while others can excrete their wastes by artificial dialysis.
Secondly, food production has been improving. In the past, many people died because of hunger and malnutrition at young age. However, agriculture was developed and more foods can be produced with less labor. Livestock industries have developed. Ordinary people can eat beef, pork, and chicken that contain great nutrition. As a result, more people can afford to eat nutritious food.
Thirdly, safety technologies have been developing. For example, until 50 years ago, more people died because of airplane, train, and car accidents. Manufacturers developed how they can reduce the number of accidents. They implement multiple safety measures. For example, they designed airplanes so that tires can appear in one of the three methods. As a result, less and less people suffer from accidents.
However, we have more challenges to achieve longer lives. As globalization develops, we meet several new viruses to which we have not found any countermeasure. We have problems of overnutrition that causes diseases such as heart attack and brain stroke. As we travel a lot more, we have more possibilities of meeting accidents.
(ポイント)
・「がん細胞を切除する」をcut cancer cellsと書いたのですが、get rid of cancer cellsの方が自然だそうです。
・「二重三重の安全策を講じる」をimplement double or triple measurementsと書いたのですが、double or tripleというほど正確な数でなくても趣旨は同じなので、multipleの方が良いそうです。
また、measurementsは「測定」の意味になってしまうので、measuresに修正されました。
